It's Not Worth It
by TheBatcave
Summary: oneshot ... Gohan still hasn't got over his merciless torment at the Cell Games, and his starting think what's the point ... suicide fic COMPLETE!


**It's Not Worth It**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Dragonball Z, sad to say ...**

Gohan nearly hit the roof earlier that day, as another argument with his mother sent him sobbing into his pillow. He still couldn't stop thinking about the torment in which he was the victim of the day before, at the Cell Games. Gohan hadn't forgotten one second of it. Nobody will ever understand what he went through, being tortured not only on the outside, but the inside too. Gohan eventually cried himself to sleep. It didn't help him though, as the memories came flooding back to him in the form of a nightmare ...

_"He took that into account I think. I think he thought that if I were to be pushed too far, there's no telling how powerful I'd become. And there's no telling what kind of damage a power like that might cause," said Gohan. He looked down at the floor, as if he were ashamed of what he could do if he wanted to. Cell looked as if he were really listening due to the serious look on his face, but then burst into cold laughter._

_"An interesting story, but it didn't work!" said Cell. Gohan looked at him in disbelief. "Well, not the way you intended, but you've given me something to work for. You see, Gohan, this hidden power of yours intrigues me. And now that I know about it, I wish to see it for myself!" Gohan hardly had anytime to panic as Cell threw a ferocious punch that smacked the teenager painfully in the face. Gohan quickly got into fighting stance as he skidded backwards a little. Gohan looked around him cautiously, but couldn't find his opponent. Cell reappeared behind Gohan and shoved his elbow into the back of his head, thrashing Gohan into the desert ground on his front. Cell then slammed his foot onto the young saiyan's head, pushing his face into the dirt._

_"Gohan!" Gohan couldn't hear his best friend and mentor calling out his name in worry as Cell pressed his foot down harder. Gohan cried out as the pain started to get to him even more. He tried to resist, but couldn't as Cell wanted to aggrivate the young warrior into fighting back._

_"You stubborn child! Get mad!" Gohan didn't have the urge to fight back ... yet. Cell was getting annoyed, and he pulled the young saiyan to eye level by his hair. Gohan had his eyes shut tightly, as he tried his best to ignore the voice in the back of his head that constantly told him to attack, his own voice. "Do you hear me? I want you to be furious!" Cell dropped Gohan and started to punch him with everything he had. Cell began smirking at Gohan and kicked him in the stomach, which sent him skidding backwards and eventually hitting his back against a pile of huge rocks. It wasn't long until Cell started to pound on him again. Gohan felt his anger boil slightly inside him as he got up onto his feet and watch Cell sprint towards him again. Cell knocked Gohan off his feet again._

_"Come on! Show me your anger! Defend yourself!" Alright then! Gohan couldn't resist Cell's attempts to anger him, he couldn't take it anymore! Cell threw another punch but missed as Gohan jumped up into mid air. Gohan yelled as Cell came towards him again, and Gohan viciously kicked him hard in the face. Cell was thrown onto his back as Gohan landed. "Well, it looks like I might get through to you after all ..."_

"GOHAN!"

Gohan woke up on the floor.. He knew he was a restless sleeper, but this was ridiculous. He slowly rolled onto his side, but jerked up into a sitting position, clutching onto the top of his left arm. He must have caught it on something. Gohan removed his hand to reveal deep and permanent scars on his arm. They still hurt him. Even when Dende healed him, he'd healed the bone, but couldn't heal the skin properly since Cell's blasthad completely messed it up and his arm was ruined. To Gohan, this was a mark, something that Cell had left behind to remember him by. Gohan was permanently scarred for life.

"Gohan! Your breakfast is getting cold!" Gohan sighed heavily and decided to obey his ranting mother before any more damage was caused. He stumbled into the kitchen and slowly sat down in the chair. As he did, he felt a small pain in his back. Maybe sleeping on the floor didn't help at all. Chi-Chi placed a bowl of rice on the table in front of him before she also sat down. After a few minutes, she noticed that Gohan was just picking at his food. He was hungry, but couldn't eat anything. "Gohan, are you okay?" Gohan nodded but continued picking up some rice but dropping it back into the bowl again. "Gohan?" Gohan ignored her. "Gohan, answer me!" He pushed his bowl away and walked towards the front door. "Gohan? Hold it right there, mister!" Gohan walked out of the front door, and slamming it behind him, right in Chi-Chi's face. Gohan flew into the distance, enjoying the fresh air as he flew against the direction of the wind. He landed by the bottom of the waterfall. Gohan was expecting to see Piccolo there, but there was no sign of him. Gohan decided to meditate to calm himself down as he waited for him to show up ...

_"Gohan, let's see if we can give your engine a jump start ..." Cell pointed his finger at Gohan, who snapped back to reality as a thin ray of pink light flew straight towards his throat. Gohan bent over backwards as it slid past inches from his face._

_"Be careful, Gohan, that's one of Frieza's finishing moves!" cried Krillin. Cell shot another one and Gohan jumped to the side. He saw him shoot at him again and again, but he dodged them all. As a last one came towards him, Gohan took off and Cell went after him. The next thing he knew, he was trapped in Cell's arms, and the young saiyan stared at Cell with a startled look on his face ... he was in for it now. Cell squeezed him as he began to suffocate him. Gohan screamed out loud._

_"Think about it, a wretched way to die. And no one can stop me! Except for you, Gohan, except for you!" laughed Cell as he continued throttling the teenager harshly. The voice inside Gohan was forcing itself outside, but it seemed as if Cell was pressing against him so hard that it was still trapped within him. The torture went on ... "Come on! I know this hurts you! What are you waiting for?" Gohan continued to cry. "I can feel that your bones are about to crack, so if you're going to act I'd do it now!" Gohan could feel his father's gaze upon him as his air was almost completely cut off. Gohan wanted to attack but he couldn't, something was holding him back. Was it fear? Just as he was on the verge of passing out, Cell loosened his grip, and Gohan could feel himself falling from Cell's arms and landing gracefully, but with a thud to Gohan, by Cell's feet due to his small body weight. "Stubborn creature ... you refuse to fight back despite all of the pain I inflict on you." Gohan continued to breathe heavily as Cell pondered on what to do next. "Perhaps you'd respond to the pain of your dear old friends!" Cell flew towards Krillin leaving Gohan helpless and weak on the ground._

"DON'T!"

Piccolo jumped a mile as Gohan snapped out of his trance. Piccolo walked over to Gohan, who was sweating and shaking uncontrollably. He sat down beside Gohan to see what was wrong.

"Kid? Kid, what happened?" asked Piccolo sternly. Gohan didn't answer, nor did he look at him. He just shrugged Piccolo's hand off his scarred shoulder and took off back towards his home. Piccolo was startled. Gohan had always confided in him with all of his problems, but why wouldn't he tell him about it now?"

_The dust cleared slowly as Gohan's new form was soon visible to the world. His hair was standing up on his head, excepted for one thick strand of golden hair which fell over his eye. It dangled as his aura was charged up fully with blue electricity sparking wildly around him._

_"I could NEVER forgive you for what you've done!" said the young saiyan in an even tone. Even Cell seemed overwhelmed by his power, as he looked on with shock at the ascended saiyan walked closer to him. Gohan saw a smile spread across Cell's face._

_"At last, you've come out of hiding! Now the game will really get exciting!" Cell felt Gohan's hand snatch something from his, an arctic wind would have been warmer._

_"No games." Gohan was getting serious now, he could finally tap into his power at will. Cell looked at his hand, and was suprised that Gohan had swiftly snatched the small brown bag of senzu beans from him._

_"What? How did you ... the senzu beans, how did you get them?" Gohan constantly glared at him with all the hate he had inside him. Cell tried to get them back from him, but as his anger swelled and he dived at Gohan to grab him, Gohan evaporated, and rematerialized in front of a Cell Junior, who was terrorising Yamcha on the edge of the cliff where the merciless slaughter took place. The android youth looked up at Gohan, who scowled hatefully back at him. The first of Cell's evil offspring met his end as he lunged forward quickly as an attempt to take his enemy down. Gohan hastily knocked the android's head clean off his shoulders with just the side of his right hand. The Cell junior exploded in a small cloud of blue dust._

Gohan landed outside his small house in the woods, and took a deep breath before walking in throught the front door once again. Gohan's plan to hopefully walk straight up to his room without being lectured at was ruined as Chi-Chi stormed into the hall way with an angry look on her face.

"GOHAN! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? YOU'VE BEEN GONE FOR FIVE HOURS! WHAT MAKES YOU THINK YOU CAN JUST COME AND GO WHENEVER YOU PLEASE?" she yelled with all her might. Any living thing within ten miles would be cowering in fright. Gohan just shrugged and tried to walk past her. "HOLD IT RIGHT THERE!" Gohan was getting annoyed with his mother's ranting. "Don't think you can just walk away from this, Gohan! You've been acting extremely rebellious ever since you fought Cell, and I'm not going to stand it anymore! Now what the hell is wrong with you?" Gohan hadn't bothered to listen to most of the things that she'd said to him, but the name 'Cell' sent his mind back in time as he sat down against the wall ...

_"Gaaaah, urg! Aaah!" Cell was left paralized with pain. He had attempted to get rid of Gohan and the earth once and for all with an extremely powerful Kamehameha. The Z fighters thought it was all over, until Gohan countered with his own more powerful blast, which overwhelmedCell and swallowed him whole. As the dust cleared, Cell was seen with part of his head blown off, one of his arms missing, his wings obliterated, and both his legs were missing. Gohan seemed to be satisfied with the damage, and let himself smile. His ice green eyes could cut through steel. As Cell continued suffering, Gohan started to chuckle under his breath. Cell was had a look of sheer horror on his face. He looked upon Gohan in disbelief, what he saw was not Gohan, but a psychotic monster who wished to harshly torture him for the sole purpose of wanting to hear him scream. Gohan sighed with satisfaction, still smirking. Since the first time he'd witnessed Gohan's true self, he'd been terrified of what he could do all along ..._

_"Gohan! You have to take him down now!" yelled Goku. Gohan was then distracted fromhis work and he looked over at his father._

_"Take him down now?" Gohan narrowed his glare, then turned back to the limbless Cell. "No, I think I'll wait. I'm going to let him suffer for a little while!" Goku looked startled._

_"Gohan! You have to get him!" Gohan smiled at his father. "We all know you have the power! It's time to use it!"_

"Gohan are you even listening to me?"

Gohan snapped out of it. He stood up and confronted his mother angrily.

"Don't say that name."

"What?"

"Don't mention him!"

"Oh, you're not still upset about your fight with Cell, areyou? Look, I'm sorry for what you went through, but ..."

"Sorry?" Gohan glared at her. "Do you have any idea what he did to me?" he said quietly, but at the same time, angrily. Chi-Chi was beat at that one.

"No, but ..."

"See? You don't know anything! None of you! NOTHING!" Gohan stomped into his room and harshly slammed the door behind him. He felt hated and aggrivated shoved his fist through his desk.

"Nobody knows anything! They can't know what I went through," he cried tearfully, lying on his bed, the next thing he said was barely a whisper, "I wish I was dead ... " Gohan had realised since he was able to use his hidden powers at the full, that he was miserable. There wasn't anything here for him. Gohan sat up and thought for a moment., he was hesitant to do so, but he flew out of the window. A few minutes later, he arrived on the coast, on an immense cliff above some sharp rocks and the glistening sea. Gohan thought for a moment as he looked down ...

_"Goodbye, my son ..."_

_"No come back!"_

Gohan looked at the sunset ...

_"DADDY!"_

He closed his eyes, and he fell ...

_**It's easier to run  
Replacing this pain with something numb  
It's so much easier to go  
Than face all this pain here all alone **_

Something has been taken from deep inside of me  
The secret I've kept locked away no one can ever see  
Wounds so deep they never show they never go away  
Like moving pictures in my head for years and years they've played

(If I could change I would take back the pain I would)  
(Retrace every wrong move that I made I would)  
(If I could stand up and take the blame I would)  
(If I could take all the shame to the grave I would)  
(If I could change I would take back the pain I would)  
(Retrace every wrong move that I made I would)  
(If I could stand up and take the blame I would)  
(I would take all my shame to the grave)

It's easier to run  
Replacing this pain with something numb  
It's so much easier to go  
Than face all this pain here all alone

Sometimes I remember the darkness of my past  
Bringing back these memories I wish I didn't have  
Sometimes I think of letting go and never looking back  
And never moving forward so there'd never be a past

(If I could change I would take back the pain I would)  
(Retrace every wrong move that I made I would)  
(If I could stand up and take the blame I would)  
(If I could take all the shame to the grave I would)  
(If I could change I would take back the pain I would)  
(Retrace every wrong move that I made I would)  
(If I could stand up and take the blame I would)  
(I would take all my shame to the grave)

Just washing it aside  
All of the helplessness inside  
Pretending I don't feel misplaced  
It's so much simpler than change

It's easier to run  
Replacing this pain with something numb  
It's so much easier to go  
Than face all this pain here all alone

It's easier to run  
(If I could change I would take back the pain I would)  
(Retrace every wrong move that I made)  
It's easier to go  
(If I could change I would take back the pain I would)  
(Retrace every wrong move that I made I would)  
(If I could stand up and take the blame I would)  
(I would take all my shame to the grave)

_**('Easier To Run' by Linkin Park)**_

**THE END**

**Plz Review! x x**


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